You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of programming. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering data model with its shimmering algorithms, the delicate power of liquids that creep through data streams, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses ... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach.