hit his parents, hit his brother, broke things, and spat a cup of juice all over my laptop.
Barring some kind of psychiatric problem like ODD, that's a significant failure of discipline, the responsibility for which lies squarely on the shoulders of the parent. I would not trust any kind generalized behavioral prediction from someone who can't keep a five year old from striking their siblings and intentionally destroying objects.
I've literally never met a 5-year-old who doesn't do things like this when they're upset. Judging by what was happening on other families' screens when watching my son's online kindergarten last spring, it would seem that these kinds of challenges with the Zoom learning experience certainly aren't unique to my or my friends' families, either. This despite it seeming to me like a particularly happy and cohesive kindergarten class for the first part of the school year.
My sense is that that, if you aren't currently trying to usher a preschooler through this experience, you don't actually know how your kid would have handled this situation as a preschooler. And if you are doing it and it is going well, you should count your blessings.
> I've literally never met a 5-year-old who doesn't do things like this when they're upset.
Really?
I can't imagine either of my kids doing things like that - perhaps a brief outburst, sure, but it would have been immediately followed by an appropriate response from a parent.
> My sense is that that, if you aren't currently trying to usher a preschooler through this experience, you don't actually know how your kid would have handled this situation as a preschooler.
While we're not under exactly those circumstances, our youngest is six and we've always homeschooled. I also have a number of public school teachers in my family, and from my perspective the problem is 100% the approach. Distance learning can absolutely be effective, but trying to force the rhythm of a government school onto it is a flawed concept.
On the other hand... if they restructured it so it would be effective from an educational standpoint, they'd have a much more difficult time getting those kids back into classrooms when the time comes. I strongly suspect that the programs that are in place are designed more to ease the transition back into the classroom than to educate.
The comment to which I was replying listed several things: “hit his parents, hit his brother, broke things, and spat a cup of juice all over my laptop.”
By “outburst”, I specifically mean “showing outward signs of intense emotion that they are unable to handle appropriately”.
I thought I was failing as a parent because my 3 year old sometimes _still_ pushes my 1 year old. I feel terrible for the child and for the parent(s) who have created a _lot_ of work for themselves, the child, and maybe even society. But I also feel a wee bit of relief of, "okay so maybe I'm being too hard on myself."
The late 3's were tough with our oldest. When our twins turned 6 months she totally had it out for the boy twin and would near constantly try to hurt him. It really didn't matter what we did or threatened. 5 minutes after a timeout, or us taking away something she wanted, she would be back at it again. Oh yes, she didn't like timeouts - she would kick and scream and cry during those timeouts. But it didn't matter.
All we could really do was make sure they were physically separated as much as possible. That helped a lot. But the times they got close, she usually took advantage and did something to hurt him. E.g. if he was near her path to the bathroom, she would step on his hand while walking close to him.
Ultimately, she just grew out of it around 4 years old. But it was a really stressful and unfun time period.
She's 5 now, and the twins are 3. She loves playing with them. Until she doesn't of course, but even still - for the past 1.5 years she doesn't want to do anything without them.
Clear, consistent rules with consistent consequences. When my son was five he never hit his sister but he did hit his friend, which resulted in his first and only spanking and an apology to the kid and his mother. I'm not saying you or any parent can fix all discipline problems, but you can draw one or two lines your kids know absolutely they cannot cross.
Barring some kind of psychiatric problem like ODD, that's a significant failure of discipline, the responsibility for which lies squarely on the shoulders of the parent. I would not trust any kind generalized behavioral prediction from someone who can't keep a five year old from striking their siblings and intentionally destroying objects.