May come across as negative, but hey. Almost all suffer from the same weaknesses. Although it's debatable, I reckon that elevator pitches (general ones anyway) should contain the following. A brief hook as danohuiginn has written. What's the product and who are the 'buyers'? What's the revenue model? Who is behind the company? Competition? Unique Selling Point(s)?
Transpondr - what is the product itself? Is it free analytics for your podcast? Who is the 'we' behind it? Is there competition and why is it different? it's first sentence/hook is good though.
Logobid - Should think about who they are pitching to. Why should I set the price? It's not as clear as so the above note. How are they making money - rev share? Competition? How is it different? who are they?
Publicitr - the first sentence doesn't add anything. they are talking about a market, not what they do. again, who are they? competition, how different? not exactly passionate.
siphs - is it share-this or tell-a-friend? Does it matter which? Choose - bloggers or publishers? Try not to offer everything to everyone at this stage. Far too wordy. As above. How to monetise? Who are they? Competition - anyone else doing it, what is wrong with several submits?
zambino - nice hook. too wordy though. Second sentence - what does it mean? Again, who are they, competition, USP, revenue model?
The elevator pitch should not contain information that detailed. When you get into revenue models and such, unless its a USP then it becomes more than an elevator pitch.
Once you get a formal pitch then you can go into detail. Everyone should memorize their elevator pitch as it will be used VERY often . :)
Transpondr - what is the product itself? Is it free analytics for your podcast? Who is the 'we' behind it? Is there competition and why is it different? it's first sentence/hook is good though.
Logobid - Should think about who they are pitching to. Why should I set the price? It's not as clear as so the above note. How are they making money - rev share? Competition? How is it different? who are they?
Publicitr - the first sentence doesn't add anything. they are talking about a market, not what they do. again, who are they? competition, how different? not exactly passionate.
siphs - is it share-this or tell-a-friend? Does it matter which? Choose - bloggers or publishers? Try not to offer everything to everyone at this stage. Far too wordy. As above. How to monetise? Who are they? Competition - anyone else doing it, what is wrong with several submits?
zambino - nice hook. too wordy though. Second sentence - what does it mean? Again, who are they, competition, USP, revenue model?