Database systems are optimized to store data, and do real-time transactional processing of data.
You can mirror the DB and configure it to do off-line analysis, or use something more suitable, but if it doesn't need to be transactional (and really, the top 10 comments your friends just made don't need to be transactional) then use a more suitable tool with less strict behavior.
You can mirror the DB and configure it to do off-line analysis, or use something more suitable, but if it doesn't need to be transactional (and really, the top 10 comments your friends just made don't need to be transactional) then use a more suitable tool with less strict behavior.