I wish someone loved me so I would not be excited about this.
I also do hope that this can lead people away from (instead of deeper into) (financially) parasitic, parasocial relationships/one-sided dependencies, which seem to be common when purely profit oriented companies or humans become involved.
Free and open source seems to be the way of healthy love here.
After being severely depressed for over a decade and wanting to die, seeing that the healthcare system had failed me and feeling utterly disconnected, rejected, unloved and anhedonic, I went to Amsterdam. After reading a lot about psychedelic experiences, it was the only thing left that I thought could give me a way out of my misery other than actual death.
I bought shrooms, ate them alone in a room and soon felt the effects. First, some dizzyness and nausea, then, slowly, an increased brilliant feeling radiating from my stomach and soon encompassing my entire body. With it, a mental focus on small patterns, light projected through leaves of a tree outside into the room. For the first time that I could remember, actually feeling well inside my body, and feeling energetic, comfortable, not nervous. I looked at the wallpaper but my negative feelings about it were amplified a lot, I knew set and setting were important, so I dared to go outside into a park. For the first time that I could remember, I could smile. And someone smiled back. I sat down, and watched, and thought. For the first time that I could remember I felt connected to the world, in a way I died. I could see patterns if I wanted. Dare I say, I felt a bit human.
It even seemed like people were there for me. This made me sad and contemplative, being aware of my past and present, but I could think about these things without extremely negative emotions disturbing my thoughts. I saw people in groups and for the first time believed I could be part of it if I wanted.
Unfortunately these feelings faded soon after the trip, my life riddled with even more rejection and pain. I took shrooms again, but the second time I knew what to expect, and it didn't feel very special. The saying "if you get the message, hang up the phone" made some sense, since I felt I already got it the first time.
The third time, I took a bit of DMT with someone who was there for me in the right moment. It was the first time in my life I dared to be close with someone. Yet again, I was rejected, but it didn't matter.
A few weeks ago I took LSD. I enjoyed some music and patterns. Enjoyment, but exhausting enjoyment. Maybe I haven't gotten the full message after all. Ultimately, I think these substances can show someone that life can be worth living, that happiness is possible again, and help in reconsidering ones relationship to ones own body, other people and the world. For me, they did not have significant permanent effects however. I do not recommend taking these substances alone, especially if you are in a mentally extreme condition.
Not as dramatic, but shrooms helped me realize how fun dancing can be (like at clubs and concerts and such). And that realization stayed with me forever, even though I haven't done shrooms even once since then.
Until that point, dancing for me was something that just you do socially because that's what people do, and (in my head) most people did it drunk because that was the only way it felt bearable to do.
I know it wasn't some lifechanging discovery, but it definitely was one of those realizations that I thought i would never reach in my life (or that it was possible at all, i assumed it was something you either like or you don't, without much wiggle room for a change).
