> "I believe that this ability to listen deeply to someone else’s experience without adding any of one’s own ideas or thoughts is among the rarest gifts in today’s world"
This resonated. As someone who loves to give advice and recommendations to be 'helpful' (and so validate my presence) it's incredibly hard to just be with someone else's experience.
Hi, appreciate the feedback (I'm Jonny, one of the co-authors), writing this we were conscious of framing this report not as a finished artefact, but as the beginning of a multi-year resilience research study and we fully acknowledge that it raises more questions than it provides answers.
However, we also did make an effort to outline some concrete strategies for relieving emotional debt in section 7 and also outlined in the [wiki](http://resilient.wiki/), which include daily/weekly/monthly/annual activities (although by no means an exhaustive list and invite readers to contribute additional suggestions).
> re: Especially in terms of letting corporations and HR departments deflect and ignore fixing toxic work environments rampant with major burnout stressors
This may be well the case in some organisations and part of our intention with the 'Shadow Stressors' framework was to shed light on those sources of stress in the 'ambient/external quadrant' which would likely fall under the responsibility of the organisation's leadership to address.
Thanks Leo, we have you to thank for introducing us to the concept of 'emotional debt'. I totally agree that for the majority of us, navigating the inner-world + increasing self-awareness has an absurdly high ROI on success/fulfillment.
What I also find fascinating is how running a company or leading a team appear to be an incredibly efficient vehicle for surfacing one's own sh*t—and once this new perspective is adopted—it becomes more potent than any self-help program out there for one's own personal growth.
There is a delicate balance between what the author of Reboot Jerry Colonna describes as 'Foolish Grit' vs. 'Healthy Drive + Ambition'. In my own experience I find it helpful to enquire into the underlying motivations for the work.
i.e am I driving myself from a place of fear? How does my body feel when I begin working on this? What is the source of the resistance? Whilst fear can certainly be a powerful motivator in the short term, it is not a sustainable fuel source.
Jonny (one of the report co-authors) here, thanks for sharing this—I entirely agree that normalising this conversation around mental health is essential, yet often requires courage to do so, especially in a work context. Yet, as our research illustrated, you are very much not alone in experiencing pre-existing mental health challenges that were amplified by the events of 2020.
re: 'telling the difference between work burnout vs. residual issues from a traumatic history', this is a nuanced topic but from the perspective of your nervous system, there really isn't a difference—the emotional debt (which could also be labelled as 'micro-trauma') that accumulates doesn't neatly distinguish between work + life as we have a tendency to do (the RED framework in the report was our attempt to describe this process in more detail).
Taking an initial 4-week break is really important step—I would encourage you not to commit (at this point) with a date for when you will return but see how the coming weeks unfold. It's also critical to seek help during the recovery process, ideally from someone trained in a form of therapy that addresses the body (Somatic Experiencing Therapy being a good example). Did you notice the [Resilience Wiki](http://resilient.wiki/) that we've started towards the end of the report? Hopefully some of those resources are useful. Also, please feel free to get in touch directly: jonnymiller[at]mac.com
Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply. I had not noticed the Resilience Wiki. This looks excellent, and I will be exploring it thoroughly.
> I entirely agree that normalising this conversation around mental health is essential, yet often requires courage to do so, especially in a work context
Broaching this topic and some of the reasons behind the extended break were terrifying in the work context. I've grown into a leadership role after many successful years with the company, and the thought of "admitting" to my mental health issues was daunting at first. Like it would somehow undo my years of professional progress. I'm grateful that my upper leadership was actually quite receptive, and others have shared that they feel more empowered to address their own issues when they see other people willing to share more about their own struggles.
But even with that, there's still incredible pressure to rise above it and lead the product.
I've been working with a trauma-aware therapist for a few years now (amazingly helpful), and they provided input as I planned the 4 week break. I do plan to explore some of these topics more explicitly in upcoming sessions.
> "Like it would somehow undo my years of professional progress. I'm grateful that my upper leadership was actually quite receptive, and others have shared that they feel more empowered to address their own issues when they see other people willing to share more about their own struggles."
This is a powerful reflection. Vulnerability often feels like weakness to us but looks like courage to others. IMO real change is contingent on a deeper cultural shift that begins with leaders like yourself being willing to step into honest conversations about their inner + outer struggles.
And really great to hear that you have someone experienced working with you to help navigate the coming weeks. Please do reach out if you have curiosities or further questions about any of the emotional regulation activities listed in the wiki (or wish to contribute suggestions of your own).
This resonates with my own experience: "Although most people look forward to vacations and days off, most successful people I know dread them."—working more hours was a socially acceptable route to not dealing with my own sh*t.
This hits me in the feels when I realized shortly after getting married that I realized what a workaholic is and that I am one.
Just like an alcoholic uses booze to avoid the problems they face in the rest of life I use work to avoid problems in real life. I don't do it because I am so hard working, or because I really love what I do, its because when I sit down and can stare at code for a couple hours I don't have to worry about the other things going on in life, my brain gets filled with this little world which I know I can control by issuing magic spells that behave appropriately.
It means I'm not thinking about my sister's descent into alcoholism, I don't have to worry about my bipolar sister in law, I don't have to face the guilt I feel about not spending enough time with my kid.
I'm trying to combat that, I'm trying to not use work as an excuse to avoid situations that cause social anxiety, I'm trying not to shirk my household responsibilities by volunteering for extra work that is urgent. But the problem is that I've built up an expectation of several years of what people can expect from me, now I am trying to balance and I can't because I've got to the point where I have so much responsibility it requires that output, it's hard, and I am trying to keep things in balance, but by God it gets so hard sometimes....
The problem you mention at the end is not exactly a problem, you were working more for the same salary (a self inflicted salary reduction). That might help you rationalize it, calculate how much you earn per actual hour worked and try to get that number higher by not working for free. At the end of it, you are paying for that output with your time which is limited.
I've noticed that in the last 10 years or so I've started treating "my own Sh*t" as "another job".
So my holidays are now, just another form of work. I literally cant remember the last time I've had a "holiday" where I just unwound and was decadently lazy for the whole time.
I work, I go home and work. I book time off under the guise of holidays but really I work on other work.
I kid and say "this is the way" but really I suspect it might not be healthy.
I work for making D the best programming language in the world. I've always been doing things like that since my first job. I've always liked the challenge, especially when people tell me I can't do that.
I selected a college specifically to prepare for the kind of things I wanted to do as a career, and selected classes in the service of that. I once told my dad that I was never bored for a moment in college.
That's cool, thanks for sharing. I vibed with your point about being stimulated and [not checking out]. I'm relatively new to programming (5 years, self-taught) but I find the endless amount of information to learn quite appetizing and inspiring. I think I'll stick around with this stuff for a while.
Maybe I'll take a look at D now :)
Do you have any resources you'd suggest to someone (who, btw, doesn't have a systems programming background -- but is curious to learn!)
It’s pretty clear that the melting ice is bringing significant changes to Russia’s far north – the questions are: Why is the perennial ice melting? How far will that melting go? And with what ecological consequences?
This resonated. As someone who loves to give advice and recommendations to be 'helpful' (and so validate my presence) it's incredibly hard to just be with someone else's experience.